More Steps to Overcoming Addiction
According to SAMHSA, 9% of American adults (aged 26-65), 16% of young adults (18-25), 5% of adolescents (12-17), and 15% of elderly persons (65+)suffer from a substance abuse disorder. Recovery from active addiction one year post-treatment is 10-30%. Fifty to ninety percent of those who recover will suffer a relapse. (SAMHSA, 2014)
This sounds bleak and disheartening, but it is true that many people can overcome the shackles of addiction. One must discover the sneaky ways in which an addiction stays active. I have found one resounding negative cloud addicts carry around with them to be particularly heavy. It is permanently-branding and perpetually dehumanizing. This is the guilt and constant self-hate addicts inevitably experience due to the secret life drugs & alcohol lead us to create. Who would not buckle under this heavy existence?
The guilt and the self-hate may seem well-deserved to the addict's friends and family, and the addict knows more than anyone just how much negative judgment they deserve. The guilt for bad choices is useful in guiding us away from making more bad choices, but when it becomes part of your identity and part of the core of who you are, then you have little strength to become the best You.
Guilt
In early recovery, ruminating on the guilt you feel over the people you hurt, the mistakes you made, the time you wasted, the things you missed, the deceit you used, the people you abandoned, the disdain and pity you're sure people must have viewed your intoxicated actions with... if you focus too much on guilt, this will be too painful at this point. You escaped guilt before with the drug, and it's too much in the beginning for you to feel the full extent of your guilt without panicking and feeling desperate for escape again. You first need to be gentle, go slow, don't let the entirety of what's happened to your life hit you all at once. You must first get used to a new way of being, learn new ways to encounter a day.
Be gentle with yourself, go slow, know there is time to learn from what happened in your addiction. In the first days and weeks, just be. When you find yourself ruminating on your guilt too long, give yourself a time-out. Distract yourself, clear your mind, be in the present time and place without reference to the past.
Forgiveness & Step One
The First step of Alcoholics Anonymous says to recognize that you became powerless over the addiction and life became unmanageable. This does not mean you are shirking responsibility entirely for your actions; it means you acknowledge the scientific fact that our brains can become wired over time to become illogically compelled to use, even when deep inside you hate the hell it creates. Addiction seems crazy when you look at it from the outside, but from the inside, it becomes seemingly inescapable. You must forgive yourself enough to avoid focusing on full-bore guilt, especially at first. When your mind clears over time, you can look at your past with more gentleness.
Your First Priority
Now that you can see more clearly, you realize there is much you want to rebuild. Again, take it slow, so as not to overextend yourself. Your first priority every day is simply to stay sober. If you achieve that, be proud of yourself, and call that a good day. Certainly, go for a few positive changes every day, but more importantly than that and more successful than that is simply facing a whole day sober. Know this is a significant feat, and it underlies all other things in your life. Without sobriety, all other hopes and dreams are essentially lost.
Reference
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA]. (2014). Behavioral Health Trends in the United States: Results from the 2014 National Survey on Drug Use and Health. Behavioral Health Trends in the United States. HHS Publication No. SMA 15-4927 2015. www.samhsa.gov